The Cambridge Geek

Audio Drama Debut - Transcript - S03E12

All of the words said out loud for S03E12 of Audio Drama Debut, my podcast showcasing new audio drama, fiction and RPG trailers.

F/X - Fountain pen writing, and then being capped.

Hello there. Thank you for coming to my speech. It's not every day the Greater Library elects a new head of Audio Fiction, so I'm doing my best during this hustings event to advertise myself as a possible option. I've only been waiting a couple of hours, so would you mind if we gave it another couple of hours in case someone else turns up?

Things to do? Yeah, fair enough, people have that apparently. Not to worry then, I'll crack on. Help yourself to a bit of strudel while I'm talking.

F/X - Rustling of paper as he unfolds his "speech".

Why I should be the Head of the Audio Fiction Library, by the Acquisitions Librarian, age 36 and a half.

I have been the Acquisitions Librarian for three years now, and in that time I have found thousands of fiction podcasts, and brought them together for people to listen to. Thousands of dramas, books, stories, actual plays and a few other things. I've found a wide variety of completely different shows, like this one where the listeners decide what happens next, or this one where the listeners decide to investigate clues, or this one where the listeners help speed-write an audio drama.

And I've instituted new policies. No one has increased late fees as much as I have, in an attempt to make sure people bring back the shows we lend them. Some people now owe as much as a whole five pounds! That's three and a half coffees! And I'm not afraid to raise them again, possibly up to £5.20.

Then there's my great success in trying to reverse the policies of my predecessors. They had ring-fenced funding for single narrator shows, to ensure that this underappreciated art form was maintained, and I did my best to cancel that.

I didn't succeed, and there was that big protest when I tried, but I did try really hard. No one has done more than me to try and crush independent creators doing their best to put work out into the world.

And I also saved us loads of money by cancelling the first aid training my first year. Admittedly, accidents did go up that year, and we were quite lucky that nobody died, but we did save two hundred pounds. The biscuit quality went way up. We also got these new listening stations, which you can see to my left.

Anyway, that's my speech, and just as a little sweetener, I can also give you four trailers.

This is not technically a bribe. Thank you.

First, 7 Suspects. Who’s lying? Who’s telling the truth? And who murdered Aiden Croft? A new audio drama podcast from the creator of The Oasis Transmissions.

[CLIP - 7 Suspects]

Samantha: Is this Elizabeth Devereaux, the writer?

Liz: I was a reporter for The Globe, if that's what you mean.

Samantha: I might have a story for you if you're interested.

Liz: And what would that be about?

Samantha: Murder.

Isabel: I adored Mr. Croft. We trusted each other.

Aaron: His work had the potential to change how we thought about our place in the universe.

Ryleigh: Aiden was different. He was exciting, a real alpha man, and that's my type, obviously.

Martin: I've known him since we both were undergrads at Harvard. We didn't exactly run in the same sort of crowd back then.

Hollister: He said he was worried Aiden's life was in danger. The threats.

Hodges: It was a mess. There were eight stab wounds in the back, and his throat was cut. Ugh, there was a lot of blood.

Samantha: I want you to interview the suspects and tell me who's lying.

Liz: You were the last person to see him alive.

Ryleigh: Other than the murderer, you mean.

Casey: Aiden collected Rothkos to hang on his bathroom wall. We didn't exactly run in the same circles.

Samantha: You think I finally had enough and stabbed him to death? Cut his throat?

Hollister: I don't want you to contact her again. She called me last night. She was hysterical.

Ryleigh: Aiden could be a real bastard, but that doesn't mean I wanted him dead.

Isabel: At the time, I didn't think much of it, but I think just one of the steak knives was missing.

Hollister: It was filled with books and paintings about the occult, pentagrams and pyramids.

Liz: But there were accusations.

Martin: No matter what anyone says or thinks, I always respected Aiden Croft.

Aaron: There was a bad energy. Aiden's death was not the first nor was it the last.

Liz: You're talking about the affair.

Ryleigh: You know about that?

Liz: There was someone spying on Croft.

Samantha: I asked you to speak with the guests. It sounds like you're digging up more bodies.

Casey: This isn't about finding out who was in the library with the candlestick. There's no way anyone was in the room.

Hodges: You see, the means and the motives weren't the problem with this case. That night, no one had the opportunity.

Announcer: From the creator of The Oasis Transmissions comes a new original story, 7 Suspects. An audio fiction whodunit. Follow each episode to unravel who's lying, who's telling the truth, and who murdered Aiden Croft. 7 Suspects premiering July 7th. Listen and subscribe on Spotify, Apple, or wherever you stream your podcasts.

Then, {Queer} Pride and Prejudice. When Elizabeth Bennet met Miss Darcy, it was loathing at first sight - unless, of course, it wasn't? {Queer} Pride and Prejudice is the story you know and love, only significantly gayer than most other adaptations. Using Austen's words and setting, {Queer} Pride and Prejudice retells the classic romance with a reminder that queer people have always been here.

[CLIP - {Queer} Pride and Prejudice]

Elizabeth: (Narrating, with an echo) It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single person in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a spouse. However little known the feelings or views of such a person may be on their first entering a neighborhood, this truth is so well-fixed in the minds of the surrounding families that they are considered the rightful property of some one or other of their children.

Mrs. Bennet: My dear Mr. Bennet, have you heard that Netherfield Park is let at last?

Mr. Bennet: I have not.

Mrs. Bennet: But it is! (Half a beat.)

Mrs. Bennet: Do you not wish to know who has taken it?

Mr. Bennet: You want to tell me, and I have no objection to hearing it.

Mrs. Bennet: Why, my dear, you must know: Mrs. Long says that Netherfield is taken by a young man of large fortune from the north of England. He came down Monday in a chaise and four to see the place, and was so much delighted with it that he agreed with Mr. Morris immediately, that he is to take possession before Michaelmas, and some of his servants are to be in the house by the end of next week.

Mr. Bennet: What is his name?

Mrs. Bennet: Bingley.

Mr. Bennet: Is he married or single?

Mrs. Bennet: (With a laugh) Single, my dear, to be sure. A single man of large fortune, four or five thousand a year. What a fine thing for our children!

Mr. Bennet: How so? How can it affect them?

Mrs. Bennet: (With a scoff) My dear Mr. Bennet, how can you be so tiresome? You must know that I am thinking of his marrying one of them!

Mr. Bennet: Is that his design in settling here?

Mrs. Bennet: (With a scoff) Design! Nonsense. How can you talk so? But, it is very likely that he may fall in love with one of them, and therefore, you must visit him as soon as he comes.

Mr. Bennet: I see no occasion for that. You and the children may go. Or, you may send them by themselves, which perhaps will be still better, for as you are as handsome as any of them, Mr. Bingley may like you the best of the party.

Mrs. Bennet: (Lets out a long, flattered laugh.) My dear, you flatter me. But my dear, you must indeed go and see Mr. Bingley when he comes into the neighborhood.

Mr. Bennet: It is more than I engage for, I assure you.

Mrs. Bennet: (A howl) Oh, you do not know what I suffer!

And, Starlight Phineas. Join the Starlight Phineas crew as they travel throughout time making rescues.

[CLIP - Starlight Phineas]

And finally, Bonnie Screws Up, presented by Aural Stories about Bonnie Martinez - a talented actress who’s starring in a popular mystery web series called Special Cases. She’s torn between the career plan her manager has designed and her desire for a life away from the cameras. And maybe a relationship with a regular guy like the cute bartender Bonnie has been stalking on social media for over three months, Duante Smith. All it takes is some liquid courage after another failed date with a Hollywood producer for Bonnie to screw up in a completely unplanned way: she breaks her Non-Disclosure Agreement for Special Cases. Bonnie is in a race to fix her mistake before it costs her everything.

[CLIP - Bonnie Screws Up]

Bonnie: Duante Smith. He posted a new photo. Mmm. What a beautiful, kind, thoughtful person?! And true to himself. I’ve been stalking him on social media for months now. Not in a crazy way, of course. But I wish he would see me...

Duante: Bonnie! What are you doing here?

Bonnie: Duante, hi!

Bonnie: Oh no. Don’t fall in love, don’t fall in love, and don’t fall in love. That’s the number one rule on my mom’s list.

Leslie: Wesley Adams. He’s a very important development executive at NSCP network.

Bonnie: Wesley? He’s 50 years old!

Wesley: You need to loosen up a bit. You’re the most tense actress I’ve ever been on a date with. And I’ve been on plenty.

Leslie: his date is crucial. I don’t want any problems. You need to be considerate. He’s a sensitive man.

F/X - Wine splashing & Wesley's scream

Wesley: Oh, you pretty girls, you are all stupid, ungrateful, b----

Bonnie: Hey Duante. It was great talking to you yesterday.

Bonnie: Please don’t tell anyone about the season finale of the web series before it’s out by the end of this week. Please please please...

Duante: I meant you’re way too nice for an actress.

Bonnie: Wow!

Duante: I’m sorry, I see a lot of drunk actors at the bar causing a scene.

Bonnie: That’s definitely not me.

Bonnie: We live fake lives here in Hollywood, people, and you loveeeee watching that.

Naveen: Hey, look. Duante. Isn’t that... Bonnie Martinez?

Bonnie: Shit.

F/X - Footsteps running away.

Naveen: Wow, drinking wine straight from the bottle. My kinda girl.

Wesley: The network decision is final, Bonnie. This is not just about me and what happened between us. The network can’t have your private life affecting the show. We don’t encourage negative publicity.

Madison: One little advice for you, hun. Don’t screw it up with producers and executives, okay? They can erase you just like that.

Gabriela: Bonita Martinez, what did I tell you?

Bonnie: EXCUSE ME?!

Savita: Yes, excuse you very much for sleeping with my husband!

Reporter 1: Bonnie, is this your new boyfriend?

Reporter 2: Why is he crying, Bonnie? Did you guys have a fight?

Gabriela: In the meantime, no more drama. You’re not to see anyone that caused you this trouble. That Indian guy--

Savita: Hello. Hello. Thank you so much for this interview.

Leslie: Good, you’re on time—

Bonnie: On time to witness the end of the world--

Right, that's your lot for this week. Don't forget to cast your vote - for me, defintiely for me - on our twitter account @AudioDramaDebut.

Huh, now I look again, this particular listening station is a bit weird. Bit tacky to the touch. Is this plastic? How dare it. Still, at least it comes with this nice shiny round mirror.

Anyway, cheerio!