The Cambridge Geek

Audio Drama Debut - Transcript - S03E08

All of the words said out loud for S03E08 of Audio Drama Debut, my podcast showcasing new audio drama, fiction and RPG trailers.

Music - Prelude Te Deum, which slowly fades out.

The Librarian: Hello there! And welcome back to Eurosound, presented this year from the Library of Audio Fiction. All of Europe and Australia for some reason have got together to participate in this competition to see who can produce the best micro fiction. Everyone gets three minutes to present a short vignette, which could be dramas, books, stories, actual plays or a few other things, and the country that gets the most votes wins.

The UK won last year with "man making cup of tea during an alien invasion", so we're hosting, and that means that unfortunately the budget for this event is coming out of the Library's biscuit fund. More luckily, there was a spare twenty pound note in there from my last penalty and so the entire event is covered, and I've even got a Wagon Wheel in memory of the previous host, Barry Wagon.

The UK probably won't win again this year, as the entry is somewhat more tame - man eating a small piece of cheese while he should be working from home - but we've done quite well over the years, with this show about post-apocalyptic detectives, this show about building your own dungeon, and this show about a military commander demoted to a research post.

Coming up soon is the Swedish entry, which I believe is about Vikings arguing how best to pickle a herring, but before that, as is tradition, a small clip from last year's winner.

F/X - Cassette player starting.

F/X - A kettle boiling, a cup being poured, a door being smashed in.

Alien: Human! We have traveled for several of your Earth years to conquer the planet, and take all of your most valuable resource.

Human: T'gold?

Alien: No.

Human: T'water?

Alien: No, or at least not just water. Take us to your tea urn.

Human: Oh lovely, here I've just made one. Try this, it's the best, it's Lancashire.

Alien: Yes, that is the best. Much better than that Yorkshire stuff.

F/X - Cassette player stopping.

The Librarian: That really was excellent. Although I'm just beginning to wonder... What was the file name for that?

F/X - Typing on a keyboard.

The Librarian:Commercial break 1 version 2, play after the UK entry.MP3.

Huh. Oh well, the UK still won, so I'm sure it's fine.

Speaking of commercial breaks, it's time for our first one, and we've got a collection of trailers lined up for you.

First, The Author's Anathema. College student Natalie Thurmond just got a narrating gig for a mysterious and reclusive author to record an eerie audiobook. As every chapter is read, however, she realizes with dawning horror that each tale holds an unsettling personal connection. Assisted by her level-headed and studious girlfriend, Eleanor, the two try to solve the mystery of who The Author is, and why Natalie sees herself and those she loves within the pages of The Author's Anathema.

[CLIP - The Author's Anathema]

F/X - CLICK

Eleanor: — Like that. And… yes, it should be good to go now.

Natalie: (She sighs with relief) Thank you, love. I seriously don’t know what I would do without you.

Eleanor: Don’t mention it. I’m thinking about running to that deli down the street to pick up some sandwiches. Do you want me to bring you something?

Natalie: Ooh, yes. Surprise me.

Eleanor: Got it. How long do you think this will take you?

Natalie: Uhhhh… [THE SOUND OF PAGES FLIPPING] Not too long?

Eleanor: Nice. I’ll see you in a bit, then?

Natalie: Mhm.

Eleanor: (Audibly smiling) Good luck. And I love you.

Natalie: I love you too!

[ELEANOR LEAVES AND A DOOR SHUTS BEHIND HER]

Natalie: Right. Um. (Clears throat and begins reading softly) The Author’s Anathema. Written by… The Author.

(Tries again more dramatically) The Author’s Anathema, written by The Author.

Ughhhh, no. No. It’s fine. (She clears her throat again)

(Normal narrating voice) The Author’s Anathema. Written by The Author. Narrated by Natalie Thurmond.

F/X - PAGES FLIPPING

(Dramatically) Chapter One: The Crackling Man.

Wait, no.

(Normal Narration) Chapter One: The Crack— (She coughs)

Ughhh. I need…

[NATALIE OPENS THE DOOR AND SHOUTS DOWN THE HALL]

Eleanor, wait up! I’m hungry!

F/X - [NATALIE LEAVES. THERE ARE A FEW MOMENTS OF SILENCE UNTIL THE PAGES OF THE BOOK BEGIN TURNING ON THEIR OWN. ANOTHER PAUSE, BEFORE THE STEADY SOUND OF BONES CRACKING STARTS, GROWING LOUDER. SOON THERE ARE MANY BONES SNAPPING AND BREAKING REPEATEDLY, UNTIL WE HEAR ELEANOR AND NATALIE COMING BACK FROM DOWN THE HALL. ONCE THEY OPEN THE DOOR, THE BONES STOP MAKING NOISE]

Eleanor: [THE DOOR OPENS] — Can’t believe you forgot to turn it off.

Natalie: Shut it. (Pause) So how do I…?

Eleanor: (She laughs) Here.

F/X - CLICK

The Librarian: Then The Dino Watch Podcast. Dinosaurs Are Now In The Wild – how will you survive? Join Tom Jurassic in a brand-new Podcast where he talks to guests about their encounters with Dinosaurs in the wild. This series will explore all different perspectives as dinosaurs have begun to travel across America in the wake of the Lockwood Manor incident. Be warned – this Podcast isn’t exactly ‘by the books’. Brad doesn’t know we’re using the Podcast feed for this, and the US Fish and Wildlife service may not take kindly to it. You have been warned...

[CLIP - The Dino Watch Podcast]

The Librarian: And now back to the hosts in the soundbooth, who are with some of the entrants.

Host: Hello Europe!

I'm here with the German team who are just finishing their preparations for their entry, and they've been telling me all about it.

It SOUNDS like a really fun idea, and I'm sure it will be a reSOUNDing success, and will make the audience SOUND off with glee...I left RADA for this.

The Librarian: And thank you host, sparkling wit as always. But back now just for a couple more trailers, before we get to the next entry.

This week's RPG is Feats & Fates. Fate must have brought you to their doorstep, traveler. What a wonderful door to have come across. Come in, pull up a chair and sit, enjoy a listen to their outlandish tales of mystery, suspense, and mayhem. They are a group of D&D players that decided their antics needed to be shared for all to enjoy. Here, you will find the tales of realms untold as they charm, deceive, buy and battle their way through each exciting real play episode! So please join them as they begin our streaming journey and what mayhem may be ... no... WILL be caused by their irrationally poor decision making and dashing antics!

[CLIP - Feats & Fates: A D&D Podcast]

The Librarian: And finally One Last Show Before the End of the World, an audio drama about a local band fighting to play their first, and possibly last, show in their hometown as the world faces impending doom the night of the concert.

[CLIP - One Last Show Before the End of the World]

The Librarian: Right, I need to let them get on with the rest of the entries, while I enjoy this biscuit with a nice cup of Lancashire tea.

F/X - Slurps.

Good lord, that's awful.

And don't forget, to vote for your favourite, see our twitter account, @AudioDramaDebut.

Anyway, cheerio!