All of the words said out loud for S02E28 of Audio Drama Debut, my podcast showcasing new audio drama, fiction and RPG trailers.
F/X - Angry crowd noises in the background.
THE LIBRARIAN: Hello there! Please join the back of the queue, and I'll get to you as soon as possible. While you're waiting, feel free to help yourself to some er... nothing. Sorry, looks like the biscuits have run out.
Excuse me sir, please remain there, we'll get to you as soon as possible. No I'm sorry, but you really can't jump the queue, stay there! Thank you.
Hello ma'am, if you could just show me your library card? Thank you, let's see now, this is...I'm sorry, but this photo doesn't look anything like you. Hang on, I recognise this name. Are you Montgomery Pudding's mother? Has he sent you back in again to try and get a second show? We absolutely cannot allow that. Please leave. Go on!
F/X - A fight breaks out.
Oh for... you two! Stop it now! If you can't behave yourselves, you'll be straight to the back of the queue. Don't make me call the cataloguers!
That's better.
Everyone, please remain calm, I'm aware you all want a new show, please be patient, we'll process you as soon as we can. Just remember, you're limited to one show each, so if you've already had one this week, you might as well leave. Please note, priority will be given to introverts, so if you're one of those, please come forward and shout out now.
F/X - Crowd noise cuts out.
TINY VOICE IN THE DISTANCE: Er, um.
THE LIBRARIAN: Alright then, finally, reached the end of the line. Hello again. Sorry for the wait. Welcome to the Queue of Audio Fiction. Sorry about all this, but it looks like a government minister sent out a tweet saying there definitely wasn't a fiction podcast shortage, and so now we've got people panic downloading. We're almost out of dramas, books, stories, actual plays and a few other things.
All I've got left is this show about a girl and the last dog, this show about a world run by computers, and this show about a frozen general thawed to save a post-apocalyptic world. At some point we're expecting more, but until either a tanker turns up, or someone starts another "record this in your style" challenge, all I've got are these trailers. Do you want those to tide you over?
Great, I've got four, it's loads.
First, Collected. Fast-paced, long-form storytelling with music, immersive sound, and a team of voice actors. The beginning of a community-drive multiverse and creator-first audio platform. Currently airing: Mortal Steel. Pastor Ethan Cutter, ordained minister and cyborg, has come to bring a little faith and justice to the ruins of Old Los Angeles.
[CLIP - Collected]
THE LIBRARIAN: Then, Aslintha. What happens when an elven sorcerer, a human archeologist and a human soldier have to save the world with next to no help? Only one way to find out.
[CLIP - Aslintha]
THE LIBRARIAN: And (this week's RPG), Ethereal Embrace.
[CLIP - Ethereal Embrace]
THE LIBRARIAN: And finally Vampire: The Masquerade Port Saga. Shocked by his sire’s murder, young vampire Titus Reed returns to the city of his embrace only to discover an old friend has confessed to the crime. Unconvinced of her guilt, he reopens the case and vows to hunt down the real killer while confronting his violent past, the Second Inquisition, and the Camarilla politics of Port Saga.
[CLIP - Vampire: The Masquerade Port Saga]
THE LIBRARIAN: Right, that's your lot for this week. I don't recommend hanging around unless...
F/X - Lorry reversing.
Oh no, here comes the tanker! Quick, get under a desk - there's bound to be a stampede!
F/X - Crowd noise goes mad.
You're best avoiding that, they're probably going to strip the place like locusts, and it's very hard to stop them. I can only suggest you keep an eye out on our twitter, @AudioDramaDebut, and we'll put out an announcement when we've got a new stock of RSS feeds.
Anyway, cheerio!