All of the words said out loud for S02E27 of Audio Drama Debut, my podcast showcasing new audio drama, fiction and RPG trailers.
F/X - Gentle chimes in the background, over a bubbling fountain.
THE LIBRARIAN: Hello there. Come in, and take a seat on the yoga mat. Would you like a smoothie? They're quinoa and kale. I'm sure I've got a spoon somewhere.
Welcome once again to the Library of Self-Help. We've got gurus, kooks, doctors, psychologists and a few other things.
I can see you're confused. Yes, this was audio fiction, but we've had a reshuffle. You know, it's a bit like when you try and realign your chakras and end up with your belly button centre where your throat energy should be.
It has meant a slightly awkward week, as we've all had quite steep learning curves for our new positions. Doris the Post Witch has been figuring out the reference section, Tim is having a devil of a time in HR, and HR are possibly not the best people in the world to run the cafe. There's been a not inconsiderable number of complaints about the customer service. And the quality of the cake.
I'm now in charge of self-help, which luckily doesn't always feel like that much of a change. For instance, I've found this motivational show by two reformed criminals, this show where an astrologer gives advice, and this show about self-care with food in case of a nuclear apocalypse.
Still, the audio fiction section has never had higher ratings. Bit of a coup on my part, getting Mr. Fidget to take over my section. He really is the goodest boy.
The one problem he does have is that his paws are too big to work the buttons on the trailer machine, so I had to bring it with me. I'm guessing that's what you're here for? Not to worry, I've got four ready to go. Just try and pretend you're getting a motivational talk or similar. Maybe whoop or yell amen occasionally. Or perhaps doodle something silly on your hand.
First, The Witch in the Woods, a family friendly horror podcast. The story follows four children as they seek out the witch in the woods on a dare. They befriend her and her familiars: a fastidious dog named Barnaby and a snarky cat named Grimalkin.
To prove to their friends that they’ve visited the witch, Barnaby and Grimalkin tell them supernatural stories and spine-chilling tales. As Season One unfolds, the children find themselves trapped in a scary story of their own when faced with a supernatural threat.
[CLIP - The Witch in the Woods]
THE LIBRARIAN: Then E-VATAR. During quarantine, a 20-something searches for acceptance and love using a new social media robotics technology. Wilson-Burns weaves a rhythmically driven script with the classic rock/80s pop/EDM inspired musical score of Standridge and Eads in a musical theatre podcast short series.
[CLIP - E-VATAR]
THE LIBRARIAN: And this week's RPG is Mindflayed Mondays, following the heroes of Voxis.
[CLIP - Mindflayed Mondays]
THE LIBRARIAN: And finally The Love Ark, a scripted comedy podcast based on the Noah’s Ark story, told as episodes of "The Love Boat." Season 1 is packed with romance, miracles, murder, and two of every animal.
[CLIP - The Love Ark]
THE LIBRARIAN: And that's that. I hope all your energies are in balance now, but if you still need to relax, go talk to Mr. Fidget. You can find him @AudioDramaDebut on twitter.
Anyway, cheerio!