All of the words said out loud for S02E24 of Audio Drama Debut, my podcast showcasing new audio drama, fiction and RPG trailers.
F/X - General stadium noises.
THE LIBRARIAN: Hello! Hello! Over here! Hello! Over here! I've saved you a seat. And a hotdog, there you go.
Thanks for meeting me out here, but after attending the semi-finals for the European Audio Fiction competition last month, I thought I'd see how the other half live. Luckily these Everic games were well timed for that.
Never seen them before? Well, the Everic games are basically the world's top competition for production of non-fiction podcasts open bracket 'and associated media' close bracket.
They've got all sorts of categories, from the most mainstream to the utterly niche. I've been swotting up for the last week, and now I'm a bit of an expert on all their true crime, sports, business, celebrities and a few other things.
I mean, look over there, that's the true crime track. I think the aim of those is to either be the first show to make a victim cry, or get a case thrown out of court by biasing the jury.
Then in the far corner, it's the two men just chatting section. They're trying to go the longest without referencing an old in-joke. The current world record is a staggering 14 seconds.
In the middle of the field, with the best lighting and most expensive equipment, is the celebrity section. They've got to elicit the most 'I've never heard of that guest's from the audience, while still not having them actually stop listening. At the minute, Louis Theroux is talking to someone called Jamie about her favourite jam. I think it's blackcurrant?
To the right is the business lot, which honestly seems a bit easy. All they've got to do is finish an episode without plugging their amazing training courses, or offering to mentor someone, for a small fee. Admittedly, no-one's ever won a medal for that. Not even bronze.
And finally the last set of trials currently running are the film review ones. There the challenge is how many episodes you can get through before you review Memento, Fight Club, or Citizen Kane.
Interesting, isn't it?
Not your type of thing? Well, fair enough I suppose. It's not necessarily for everyone. And...well to be honest, I'm finding it's not for me either. But I bought the tickets, and I'm not really able to leave, as I put them on expenses as "research".
You see, if I vanish without taking any notes, the Director will make me pay back the money. And given that I had to buy extra tickets after starting a chant of 'no one wants you without an RSS feed' at the spotify entries, I really don't want to do that.
So I smuggled my ipod past security in this bottle of White Lightning, and I've been listening to fiction podcasts instead. You're in luck, I've just got to my trailers folder, so if you want to have a listen, here, borrow an earpiece. I think I've got four to play.
First, The Strata. In a dystopian city, an ageing courier is forced to go into business with an underworld ganglord in order to pay for the treatment that keeps him alive.
[CLIP - The Strata]
THE LIBRARIAN: Then Electromancy, which is a new audio fiction fantasy adventure podcast, which follows the story of Jenna, a teenage lightning mage (or electromancer) who, after hiding her powers for years, is finally discovered and forced to attend the Royal Institute for the Study of Sorcery. There she will find allies, enemies, mysteries, monsters, and intrigue. And you thought your high school was bad.
[CLIP - Electromancy]
THE LIBRARIAN: And RADIO: Outcast. A goddess, a cowboy, and a conman. Far from friends. This fantasy-western follows an unexpected adventure across the American West.
[CLIP - RADIO: Outcast]
THE LIBRARIAN: And finally, Tales Of Beatus Fatum. The worlds of fairytales have their stories told over and over, a loop of the same story, always repeating itself, but what happens when one of those characters realizes they are in said loop. What happens when the group feeding on the arcane energy of that loop, retaliates?
Thanks to many dedicated researchers analyzing this occurrence, we have been able to piece together discovered audio recordings so that some sense can be made of what happened when a boy who refused to grow up, refused to be a pawn.
[CLIP - Tales Of Beatus Fatum]
THE LIBRARIAN: Right, that's your lot for this week. You're probably going to want to sneak out, because it's Joe Rogan's exhibition match next and I really need both ears plugged for that. If you want to know who I'm cheering for though, look at our twitter feed. It's @AudioDramaDebut.