The Cambridge Geek

Audio Drama Debut - Transcript - S02E20

All of the words said out loud for S02E20 of Audio Drama Debut, my podcast showcasing new audio drama, fiction and RPG trailers.

F/X - News jingle

THE LIBRARIAN: You're listening to AFNews, sponsored by a show about cider, a show about assembling shelves and meatballs, a show about an electric squid, and biscuits. Audio Fiction News - there's no olds here.

F/X - Sting.

Hello there, and welcome to AFNews. That's Audio Fiction News for you plebs who can't work it out. I'm the Acquisitions Librarian, this is my entirely unbiased news channel, and I'll be here for the next ten minutes, bringing you all the things we think it's important for you to believe.

This week's special report...

F/X - Whoosh

...cancel culture.

An increasing number of people are asking for their late fees to be cancelled, claiming that the specific fees in place in the Library of Audio Fiction are not in line with the wider industry, or even the rest of the Greater Library. These fees are applied for the late return of dramas, books, stories, actual plays and a few other things.

There has been a growing public call for these fees to be dismissed, with some commentators calling the fees "ludicrous", "overwhelming", and "technically more illegal than dodgy payday loans". For balance, I'd like to turn to an expert in these matters, the Acquisitions Librarian. Please note, we've disguised his voice. Not for anonymity, he just asked us to.

Librarian, what do you have to say to these people?

F/X - The Librarian awkwardly changing seats.

FEMALE TECHNICIAN (OVER RADIO): Overheard whispering from the editing room: Oh god, he's moving chairs. It's still him! Can't he stay in the same chair! I warned him about that damn cable. What's he going to...

MALE TECHNICIAN (OVER RADIO):Your mcrophone's on.


THE LIBRARIAN (PITCHED HIGH): Thanks for having me on. This cancel culture has gone too far. If people have amassed late fees, by being too slovenly to return their shows, they should have the full force of the law ranged against them. I mean, they have such terrible excuses.

Look at this one from a Mr. Oxlong. "I'm sorry I returned the show late, but I was hit on the way to the Library by a self-driving car, and I didn't get out of hospital for three days." Couldn't this person have sent it in the car?

Or this one, from a Mr. Janus. "I was walking to the Library, with full intent to give the show back, but just as I was very nearly here, I was kicked in the head by a horse. That changed my mind completely, and so I had to leave."

Utterly ludicrous. It's not even like they're high fees. A tenner a day. No worse than most overdrafts.

F/X - The Librarian awkwardly changing seats.

THE LIBRARIAN: Thank you Librarian.

F/X - Sting.

You're listening to AFNews, sponsored by a show about cider, a show about electric squid, and biscuits. Audio Fiction News - we make things up all the time.

F/X - Sting.

Now, just before our next section, open bracket, bit of waffle here about how well the show is going, how good it's going to be and how it's so much better than the Library of Non-Fiction's show, which they didn't let me on last week, close bracket.

F/X - Sting.

You're listening to AFNews, sponsored by a show about electric squid, and biscuits. Audio Fiction News - more stings than any other show.

F/X - Sting.

And now, onto our trailers section. We've got together four trailers for new shows that have just become available, so let's see what we've got.

First, it's Showmance. Recently jilted by her boyfriend (who also happens to be her boss...yikes!), Casey is offered a dream job launching the British spin-off of the cooking TV show she produces, and heads to London looking for love. What she doesn’t expect is to find it TWICE!

[CLIP - Showmance]

THE LIBRARIAN: Then, Earth Eclipsed. A brilliant neuroscientist on the brink of a galaxy-changing discovery that will save millions of lives has her work cut short when she’s kidnapped by a renegade miner. Follow Dr. Alexine Prometh as she works to outwit Nico Dunn and complete the Abacus Project, her life's work. Set in the distant future, this immersive audio series explores what it means to live in a utopian society, and the great lengths a person must go to to preserve humanity.

[CLIP - Earth Eclipsed]

THE LIBRARIAN: And this week's RPG, Do Dragons Dream of Scorched Sheep? A bi-weekly D&D podcast brought to you by ModernEscapism. Listen to the triumphant adventures of Stigveld, T'Reble O'Clef, Calbo Greymerkin & Capri Smitty as they explore the world of Erethria in search of fame, fortune and a nice tankard of ale.

[CLIP - Do Dragons Dream of Scorched Sheep?]

THE LIBRARIAN: And finally, Roommate From Hell. When Hell is full, the damned shall rent on earth.

[CLIP - Roommate From Hell]

F/X - Sting.

THE LIBRARIAN: You're listening to AFNews, sponsored by... biscuits? Audio Fiction News - please, please don't take your money back.

F/X - Sting.

Right, that's your lot for this week. If you want to tell us how great we are, use our twitter account. It's @AudioDramaDebut.

Anyway, cheerio!