The Cambridge Geek

Audio Drama Debut - Transcript - S02E13

All of the words said out loud for S02E13 of Audio Drama Debut, my podcast showcasing new audio drama, fiction and RPG trailers.

F/X - Fountain pen writing, and then being capped. Fire gently crackles in the background.

THE LIBRARIAN: Hello there. Come in, come in.

F/X - Alerting whoop.

Whoa, whoa, stop there. Don't come any closer, or the security system activates. It has to defend our dramas, books, stories, actual plays and a few other things, and it's a bit aggressive. Hang on, let me just clear that.

F/X - Button click. Alert stops.

Have you had your new Library card yet? No, didn't think so. We've improved our database, and everyone needs a new ID card to match it. If you sit down, I just need to take a few details, and I can then re-issue you a card.

Okay, so first name?

F/X - Keyboard tapping throughout.

Last name?


F/X - Keyboard tapping.

Huh, you live down the road from the takeaway I like. Favourite items from their menu?

And how often do you eat there?

Okay, and now just a few more details.

Favourite tea? Oh, that's convenient, there's some Shincha on the table next to you.


Blood type?

Job title?


Location of your first kiss?

Favourite grandparent?

Least favourite grandparent?

Biggest regret?

Worst fear?

Least favourite icecream flavour?

And finally, why are you still single?

F/X - Keyboard tapping.

Okay, now if you can just put all your fingertips on here.

F/X - Scanning noise.

And now stare into this.

F/X - Scanning noise.

And breathe onto this.

F/X - Scanning noise.

Bleed into here.

F/X - Scanning noise.

And finally just walk down the line in front of the camera.

F/X - Scanning noise.

F/X - Printing noise.

Excellent, there you go, one brand spanking new ID card. From now on, bring that whenever you come to the Library. If you forget it, you'll need to type in a password at the door. The password is...hang on, I've got it here somewhere...Q W E R T Y. It's a nonsense word, so it can be hard to remember. You might need to write it down.

Oh and handily, the database can now recommend shows for you based on your personal information. It's suggested this show about a parasite that turns people into crazed murderers, this show about a disease that only affects the fair haired, and this show about the US being quarantined.

Oh and look at that, it's come up with a few trailers for you.

First, The Attic Monologues, a new queer urban fantasy podcast in association with Exeter University Podcast Society. The show follows Nyx Ryland, a nonbinary university student who decides to record themself practicing monologues using a collection they found in their attic. Using their flatmate and life long crush, Bella Crowe, as their audience, they begin reading them.

But these monologues are strange, and dreamlike, and the more Nyx reads, the more it becomes evident that things are not as they seem. These monologues are not just paper and ink, the world is not what they knew, and the people they love just might be in danger - or the danger itself.

[CLIP - The Attic Monologues]

THE LIBRARIAN: Then Elephant Scout presents Tucson Heat.

[CLIP - Tucson Heat]

THE LIBRARIAN: And this week's RPG is A Critically Accursed Actual Play Podcast, where the plot's made-up and the rolls don't matter.

[CLIP - A Critically Accursed Podcast]

THE LIBRARIAN: And finally, Searching For Putty Man. Have you heard the stories of the Putty Man? With his misshapen & melting face, he’s a local legend in Los Angeles. With only fleeting glimpses of him ever being seen, he is supposedly responsible for scores of people going missing from Griffith Park over the past few decades. What is the truth behind his origins? And what happens when the story you go looking for winds up finding you instead?

[CLIP - Searching For Putty Man]

THE LIBRARIAN: And that's that.

Oh, one other thing, before you leave, if you need to change the password I've given you, just let us know what the new one is by replying to our Twitter account. It's @AudioDramaDebut.

Anyway, cheerio!