All of the words said out loud for S02E12 of Audio Drama Debut, my podcast showcasing new audio drama, fiction and RPG trailers.
Fountain pen writing, and then being capped. In the background, general Library activities continue.
THE LIBRARIAN: Hello there. I would invite you into my office, but as you can see, it would appear that the upholsterers, when they attempted to return my office chair, got it stuck. So I've been here for a good three hours now, trying to loosen it, and fix access to my office.
It got particularly annoying after the first hour, when people started popping by to offer unhelpful suggestions on how I might fix it.
"HELPFUL" PASSERBY: Have you tried a pivot?
THE LIBRARIAN: Yes, thank you, we've all seen the Friends episode, I've tried that!
Everyone's a comedian.
The situation does unfortunately mean that I've only got this hardtack to offer you by way of sustenance. That's kept me going for a very long time when real food hasn't been available.
It also means that some of the newest additions to the Library of Audio Fiction are trapped in my office. All of those dramas, books, stories, actual plays and a few other things are completely unreachable.
All I've got access to is what I had on me when I got stuck: this show about a nymph rescuing a Viking prince, this show about creatures from the fractured magenta dimensions, and this musical show about the third biggest city in the UK.
"HELPFUL" PASSERBY: Have you tried giving it a tug?
THE LIBRARIAN: Oh, what a clever suggestion, both useless and a double entendre. Well done!
I suspect I'm going to be here for a while. Luckily, I've got the portable trailer machine, so I can play you a few of those, and then let you go about your day. Quite looking forward to seeing you stride off in that cape of yours. Not seen one in a while, but I hear they're having a comeback.
First, Blood on Gold Mountain. 1871 Los Angeles was a dangerous place, especially for the refugees, migrants and troublemakers who lived on Calle De Los Negros, at the heart of Chinatown. Yut Ho, a beautiful young refugee, came to LA and fell in love, only to be drawn into a showdown between two of Chinatown's most notorious gangsters. Before long, the entire city was caught up in a life or death struggle where old-world values of kinship, honor and loyalty clashed with new-world issues of race, sex, and identity. The ensuing conflict would threaten the lives of Yut Ho and all the denizens of Chinatown– and would change the face of Los Angeles forever.
[CLIP - Blood on Gold Mountain]
THE LIBRARIAN: Then, Of Fae & Fiends. Lizzie returns to her ancestral home in Maine to make an amazing discovery: the woods behind the farmhouse contain a doorway to the mystical realm of Faerie. But a dark storm looms over the horizon of Fae: Lizzie’s Great-Uncle Carlow has enlisted a goblin army to conquer the World Tree, and has set his sights set on our world after...
All that stands in Carlow’s way is Lizzie and her unlikely friends: Kyle, a talking goat, and Garrett, a swashbuckling weasel. OF FAE & FIENDS is a Faerie Tale with teeth - a place where monsters sometimes eat children, but the courageous can fight back.
[CLIP - Of Fae & Fiends]
THE LIBRARIAN: And this week's RPG is Crit! Like a girl. A Dungeons and Dragons 5th edition podcast, featuring an entirely female cast (Including our lovely DM)! Join us and see how we Crit! Like a girl.
[CLIP - Crit! Like a girl]
THE LIBRARIAN: And finally, I Found A Wormhole. Jessie Baker’s back is against the wall. Her thesis project has fallen apart. Money is running short. Options are few. Fortunately, she’s just made the discovery of a lifetime - a wormhole, tucked inside the abandoned restroom in the forest.
The origin - unknown. The destination - unknown. But the possibilities are endless. If only she can find out what’s on the other side.
[CLIP - I Found A Wormhole]
THE LIBRARIAN: Right, that's your lot for this week. If you happen to have any good suggestions for freeing this chair , feel free to tell our twitter account. It's@AudioDramaDebut.