All of the words said out loud for S02E10 of Audio Drama Debut, my podcast showcasing new audio drama, fiction and RPG trailers.
F/X - Fountain pen writing, and then being capped. An inaudible television plays in the background.
THE LIBRARIAN: Hello there. Come in, but quietly. Go sit down and occupy yourself with a Duchy biscuit. No, they're over there, on the left hand sideboard. Don't crunch, try sucking them, will you?
No, I'm not being touchy, I just want to focus. They're interviewing Tim on the news. You know Tim, he's the head of the Library of Audio Non-fiction. He's discovered a trove of old cylinders containing interviews with Queen Victoria, the devil. I want to see whether he mentions that I helped him. Gave him a new stylus to listen to them and everything.
Yes, yes Tim, well done, you're from the Library of Non-Fiction. Go on, tell them all about your true crime, sports, business and celebrities, and now you've done that, time to mention the Library of Audio Fiction.
Oh come on, Tim. Mention we've got dramas, books, stories, actual plays and a few other things.
No, no, you're just going to bang on about the Queen. We don't care, Tim. We know she popped into the library once, picked up that comedy show about the very amusing milliner, pulled a miserable face, put it back down, and left. That's it.
Why not try talking about how much more stranger fiction is than truth, Tim. I mean look, I've got this show here about a new leader of America after a second civil war, a show about a Disney Princess in the post-apocalypse and a show about a bull-headed monster. You've not got that.
Not going to? Typical.
Oh, you're still here. Enjoying that biscuit? What? Trailers? Can you not see I'm busy. I'm watching this? There's literally nothing more interesting than this interview right now. Well, maybe you can just eat your biscuit, and listen to the trailers, and go home.
F/X - An old school fire alarm shrieks.
Oh good grief, and now apparently the Library's on fire. Let me just silence that alarm in here.
F/X - Button press. The alarm ceases.
Don't worry, it'll be the old Selenophone archive. That's always exploding.
Fine, tell you what, I'll play these trailers for you, and then you can dash out after the rest of them, and leave me here to watch this.
First, Heinous Investigations. In the small New England coastal town of Hanesbury, strange things have been happening—people claiming to be haunted by ghosts, unexplained tremors beneath town, and a legend of an old hidden treasure being just a few. All of this utterly confuses recent law school graduate and skeptic Carlton as he begins his job at Hanesbury’s local law firm.
Soon enough, however, Carlton’s natural curiosity leads him into encounters with some of Hanesbury’s strangest residents. When a destructive accident unites them under the watchful eye of a member of the town’s wealthiest and most respected family, they team up to form “Heinous Investigations” a group dedicated to uncovering and disposing of Hanesbury’s preternatural phenomena.
[CLIP - Heinous Investigations]
THE LIBRARIAN: Then Team B: A War Robots Story, which is an audio drama mini-series based on the War Robots video game universe.
[CLIP - Team B: A War Robots Story]
THE LIBRARIAN: And this week's RPG, Redgate and Wolf. What happens when a sassy thief meets a Scottish werewolf? Supernatural shenanigans ensue in this actual play Monster of the Week podcast.
[CLIP - Redgate and Wolf]
THE LIBRARIAN: And finally Blueberries Hill, an extremely well-behaved Beatrix Potter-ish storybook podcast series ostensibly for children.
[CLIP - Blueberries Hill]
THE LIBRARIAN: Right, that's your lot for this week. Be off with you, while I see if Tim graciously mentions anything about me. Oh, and if you happen to have recorded the first half of this, tell me on our twitter. It's @AudioDramaDebut.
Anyway, cheerio!