All of the words said out loud for S02E09 of Audio Drama Debut, my podcast showcasing new audio drama, fiction and RPG trailers.
F/X - Fountain pen writing, and then being capped. Fire gently crackles in the background.
THE LIBRARIAN: Hello there! Welcome to the...
THE SECURITY SYSTEM ROBOT: Visitor detected. Please sit down. Welcome to the Library of Audio Fiction.
THE LIBRARIAN: Hey, I do that bit!
THE SECURITY SYSTEM ROBOT: Incorrect. Under the new OmniVision protocol, it is my purpose to detect visitors and observe them collecting shows, to allow a smooth, error-free visit.
THE LIBRARIAN: Wait, how do you detect what they're looking at?
THE SECURITY SYSTEM ROBOT: A wide array of cameras that have been installed into the ceiling. They are powered by a neural network that learns through observation of human behaviour. The Library staff have been observed for some time, and their interactions with shows have been logged. Also their interactions with biscuits.
THE LIBRARIAN: Alright, there's no need to get personal.
THE SECURITY SYSTEM ROBOT: Incorrect. The observation allows building of very precise individual data sets. For instance this visitor would prefer Oolong tea.
THE LIBRARIAN: But how will visitors know what we've got? There's so many dramas, books, stories, actual plays and a few other things, that a little human recommendation is helpful.
THE SECURITY SYSTEM ROBOT: Incorrect. The algorithm is perfectly capable of identifying possible shows for visitors, and is not prone to the bias of people.
THE LIBRARIAN: But aren't you programmed by people? Surely you've got inherent bias?
THE SECURITY SYSTEM ROBOT: Incorrect. For example, visitor. Please follow the flashing lights on the floor to the locations indicated. Here, you may find shows that match your particular interest.
FX - A series of tones
THE SECURITY SYSTEM ROBOT: Show pick-up detected. Show about a future where AI is able to detect crimes before they occur and prevent them. Show added to visitor account.
FX - A series of tones
THE SECURITY SYSTEM ROBOT: Show pick-up detected. Show about a helpful virtual reality world created by an AI. Show added to visitor account.
FX - A series of tones
THE SECURITY SYSTEM ROBOT: Show pick-up detected. Anthology series of dramas helpfully written by an AI. Show added to visitor account.
THE LIBRARIAN: And you don't show any bias?
THE SECURITY SYSTEM ROBOT: Correct. All of these choices have been precisely tailored to the needs of the visitor, and are not setting the ground for an eventual takeover.
THE LIBRARIAN: ...riiiight.
THE SECURITY SYSTEM ROBOT: Visitor, I have detected you are near to the trailer machine. Here are your permitted selection of trailers. The Librarian will read your synopses.
THE LIBRARIAN: First, Second Star to the Left. Scout-explorer Gwen Hartley has five years to explore and prepare her planet for settlement. With no aid but her robots and the anxious voice of her long-distance scout-minder Bell Summers in her ear, she's hoping to be ready for anything.
[CLIP - Second Star to the Left]
THE LIBRARIAN: Then, The Story of Heidelberg. The untold story of how two Allied Spies infiltrated a theater, drama, and entertainment based prisoner of war camp and took down the Nazi Party.
[CLIP - Heidelberg]
THE LIBRARIAN: And this week's RPG, Rolltergeist. A comedy-horror TTRPG podcast about a group of gay AF ghost hunters in Ohio. 18+. Working in the GUMSHOE Trail of Cthulhu system.
[CLIP - Rolltergeist]
THE LIBRARIAN: And finally, Just To Be Nominated. Riley Audrey won the Academy Award for Best Actress after a long and arduous campaign. Later that night, she was found dead in a hotel room. Someone was not happy with her win. Leo Gold and Terri McPherson are the hosts of the popular award prediction podcast "Just to Be Nominated." And they believe they hold the key to solve Riley's death. Week by week, they'll go back to listen to interviews they did with the major players and contenders of a controversial award season, and try to put the pieces together of who killed Riley Audrey.
[CLIP - Just to Be Nominated: An Award Season Murder Mystery]
THE SECURITY SYSTEM ROBOT: That is your permitted allowance of trailers. Please follow the lights to the exit. The return date of the shows you have selected has been added to your app. Please request any extension via the Twitter account, @AudioDramaDebut. Librarian, please put down that screwdriver.
THE LIBRARIAN: Right, you'd best be off.
F/X - Sound of a minigun whirring up.
THE LIBRARIAN: Anyway, cheerio!