All of the words I said out loud for S02E07 of Audio Drama Debut, my podcast showcasing new audio drama, fiction and RPG trailers.
F/X - Blinkenlights beep in the background.
THE LIBRARIAN: Hello there. Oh, careful, look out for the wire! Actually, just be careful in general, all of the electronics are very fragile, and I need you not to sit down on any of them.
If you just come over here, you can get into the second command module.
Okay, okay, module is perhaps a little grand - perch on the second command stool.
Now if you just put on this helmet, you should be able to see through the cameras on the rover.
What do you mean, what rover? The Library's rover. Do not all Libraries of Audio Fiction have those? How would you retrieve dramas, books, stories, actual plays or a few other things from dangerous environments?
Or come to that, how do you defuse awkward social moments without a disposal robot?
Charm? Don't be ridiculous.
Anyway, I've requisitioned the rover for the week, because I need to get into the canteen. After the kerfuffle with the biscuits a couple of weeks ago, I've not been allowed back in, and I want to get something sweet to enjoy with my Konacha.
Do me a favour and grab that set of controls in front of you. Those run the clamping system, so I'm going to need you to do the very last element of the operation.
Don't worry, this should be fairly safe, I've been listening to podcasts all week to hone my skills. I've listened to this show about an off-Earth colony in 2060, this show about the new Chief Adviser on an off-world Australian colony, and this show about the first off-Earth Vegan restaurant. They've got me all set up.
Now, I'm already in the canteen, so now all I need to do is creep behind the back of Brenda...
F/X - Remote controlled vehicle whines across floor. Robotic noises appear occasionally.
...careful, careful, watch out for that tray to the right. Just a little further along, past the drinks cabinet. Past the drinks cabinet. Past...the... is it worth grabbing one of the miniatures while I'm passing?
No. No. Stay focused. We're here for a delicious milk chocolate covered caramel and nougat treat. There is no time for alcohol.
Okay, last few metres. There it is, the sweety shelf. This is where you come in. Just push that lever forwards, and at the same time rotate that knob anti-clockwise. That's it, the arm is rising, rising, and...stop! Perfect height. Now, if you just push down with that foot pedal on your left, and drive the lever forward again - there we go, you've got the claw around it.
Now if you very carefully rotate that knob clockwise again, little more, little more - got it! Good work.
Now you just need to pull that lever back, slowly, slowly, careful! You're dislodging that Milky Way. Quick, to the left! Good, good, okay. A little further back, and there! We're free.
I'll just pop it into reverse, and it'll head back here under its own power. Thanks, for that, very helpful.
As a reward, would you like some trailers? I know that's what you usually come in for. Yep, thought so. Just the four this week, but I'm sure that'll do you after all that excitement.
First, it's Solo. When Dierdre gets stranded after her space ship is taken over by pirates, she has to learn how to survive alone on a ship that's flying through space with no clear destination. Will she make it in time?
[CLIP - Solo]
THE LIBRARIAN: Then, come to the Lavender Tavern for original gay fairytales. Each story is about 30 minutes long. You're always welcome to sit by the tavern fire. There are many nights, and many stories. Join us, won't you? We'll keep a light on in the window.
[CLIP - The Lavender Tavern]
THE LIBRARIAN: And this week's RPG is Eclipse, which is a 5th edition Dungeons and Dragons sci-fi fantasy thriller. Join the crew of the Eclipse as they struggle to keep the galaxy safe in this biweekly actual-play podcast.
[CLIP - Eclipse: A Dungeons and Dragons Podcast]
THE LIBRARIAN: And finally, The Courtship of Mona Mae. In the 1870s, pioneers Mona Mae Christophe and Zekial Montgomery search the American West for her mother, Clara, who she was sold away from during slavery. Mona must recall a past long forgotten in order to survive, so that she can find her mother, love and create a way of life for herself.
[CLIP - The Courtship of Mona Mae]
THE LIBRARIAN: And that's that.
F/X - The whine of an arriving rover.
And just on time, here's my rover returned, with my chocolate-y treat just in time for my tea. Anyway, if you want to join me on future journeys, you can contact us on our social media. It's @AudioDramaDebut.