All of the words I said out loud for S02E03 of Audio Drama Debut, my podcast showcasing new audio drama, fiction and RPG trailers.
THE LIBRARIAN: Hello...
F/X - Hideous microphone feedback.
Sorry, sorry, hello there!
If you can just finish all finding your seats, we can make a start. Director? Director? Director, I've saved a seat for you just over there, so you've got the best view. I hope you're grateful, I had to kick a poor chap out of it. Looked a bit cold in his mittens, so I've sent him down to HR to warm up.
Thank you all for coming to the foyer of the Library of Audio Fiction for the ceremonial turning over of the tape.
Behind me, you can see the gigantic cassette, which for the last four years has been playing enormous versions of dramas, books, stories, actual plays and a few other things. One of the many important ways we provide background ambiance to anyone who just wants to come in here for a quick think.
This side, that's been playing for the past four years, has some of my favourite shows, including hipsters fighting monsters in the apocalypse, a journalist investigating a citrusy community, and a hapless crew improvising their way through diplomatic missions.
But they're all a lot earlier on the tape, so unless anyone has got a massive pencil, you'll have to wait about six years to hear them in the lobby.
For now, you'll instead have to watch me put on the ceremonial hat, turn to the ceremonial podium, and press the big shiny ceremonial button. Which I'll do now.
F/X - A pressed button, which beeps gently.
That then sends a signal down to the basement, where one of the sub-Librarians, Carmilla, is watching for a ceremonial tiny LED to flash. When it does, she will pull the ceremonial enormous rusty lever, that actually turns the tape over.
She will of course be wearing the ceremonial greasy overalls, because it's quite an old lever, and a bit stiff.
CARMILLA: Annoyed grunt.
F/X - Metallic shriek
THE LIBRARIAN: Excellent, it begins.
F/X - Huge booming tape turning over.
And there it goes, the bright orange side hidden, revealing instead the light blue of the reverse, as it starts to play.
Now, what you may not be aware of, is that there has been some modification of the tape mechanism this year. We wanted to try and update it slightly, so the first four things to be played are trailers for new podcasts. That seemed a good introduction for a new era.
First, it's Battle of the Bald, a six-episode scripted comedy series about a young lab assistant who accidentally invents a permanent cure for hair loss and changes the world.
[CLIP - Battle of the Bald]
THE LIBRARIAN: Then Creep, which follows Miami and Denver as they investigate a possible heist of a famous painting. Sasha, the one who alerted them to it, makes sure that she's not forgotten in the process. Will they be able to stop the heist in time?
[CLIP - Creep]
THE LIBRARIAN: And this week's RPG, Rolling Through the Realms is an actual play Dungeons and Dragons podcast set in the Forgotten Realms campaign setting.
[CLIP - Rolling through the Realms]
THE LIBRARIAN: And finally in Sporadic Phantoms, a team of investigators look into the suspicious activity of a community organization called The Sharing.
[CLIP - Sporadic Phantoms]
THE LIBRARIAN: And that's that. Here's to four more years of not having any problems with the big tape. I know there's been some concerns recently about us changing to an enormous MiniDisc, but don't worry, tradition still reigns here in the Library.
If you happen to have any strong opinions though on the upgrading of our technology, feel free to tell us on our Twitter feed. It's @AudioDramaDebut.