All of the words I said out loud for S01E37 of Audio Drama Debut, my podcast showcasing new audio drama, fiction and RPG trailers.
F/X - Background bubbling cauldron sounds.
Head of HR: Oh, good evening. Are you lost? Well don't worry, come join me and I'll make you... something. Here, take a cup from the cauldron. It's mulled.
You've found yourself in the Human Resources department of the Library. But I'm sure we can find you a....suitable arrangement.
You see, people don't come down here very often. We're mostly here for contracts, fires, torture, massacres and a few other things.
What? Yes, that's what I said, pensions and benefits.
The only person who comes down here with any regularity is the Acquisitions Librarian. He seems to think that we want to listen to all of the shows he's got. Either that or see if we have any. After the first couple of minutes it always devolves into screaming and that's not good for my health.
Last time, he just kept repeating gibbberish about shows featuring a soul train, one about an obituary writer, and one about a pathologist who can talk to ghosts.
I don't know why the Director won't let me process him. I do hate undocumented resources. Leads to incorrect filing.
Perhaps you've been sent here as a Halloween treat? No, not for you, for me. I do so enjoy eating new people.
Yeees, meeting new people.
Well, tell you what, since we have Halloween coming up, why don't I give you a treat before the trick? It's generally customary for us to ask people what they want, and we'll give you exactly what you deserve.
Trailers? Did you say trailers? Not an entire show, just the bit telling you about the show? How strange. Do you like being teased? Kept waiting? Held in a state of anticipation? I'd best make a note of that.
F/X - Writing with a wildly antiquated quill pen.
(Mumbling) No...delayed...gratification.
Well, if that's what you want, I do have four here, left over from the fool's last visit.
First for your delight, is Circles, a new four-part audio horror series. Something is coming. If you want to survive, you must remember this: Stay safe. Stay inside your circle.
[CLIP - Circles]
Head of HR: Then in Tower 4, Mike Archer is a newly appointed fire watcher in the Wyoming woods. Whilst he's never done anything like this before, he needed something new after his mom passed. Now he hopes to spend his days in a tower above the trees looking for fires and working on his new book. But things aren't as quiet and peaceful as he hoped. Strange interference blasts over his radio at night and he starts seeing and hearing creepy noises in the woods. But are these odd occurrences actually happening or is he just going stir crazy?
[CLIP - Tower 4]
Head of HR: Then, We Know None. Gwen Thomas' girlfriend, Frankie, disappeared two weeks ago. Following her trail, will Gwen find Frankie, or is she really gone?
[CLIP - We Know None]
Head of HR: And finally, The Dark Pool. Four college students participate in a sound experiment designed to push their minds beyond the limits of human experience. Strange messages, inexplicable noises, and uncanny sensations begin to haunt them as the experiment threatens to take over their lives. Are they the victims of an elaborate prank, being tormented by demons, or navigating their way into a higher realm of consciousness? The truth hides somewhere beneath the surface of the dark pool.
[CLIP - The Dark Pool]
Head of HR: Now then my dear, I think that's about all you get. Time for you to be moving on. Don't worry, I'll post on our twitter feed telling people how much you enjoyed yourself. It's @AudioDramaDebut.
Goodbye! (cackling)
F/X - Trapdoor to hell being opened, leaving the listener to fall, screaming, into hell. With hell noises also in the background. Hell.