All of the words I said out loud for S01E23 of Audio Drama Debut, my podcast showcasing new audio drama, fiction and RPG trailers.
F/X - Fountain pen writing, and then being capped. Fire gently crackles in the background.
THE LIBRARIAN: Hello there. Come in, come in. I've just poured myself a cup of Gyokuro. Please, join me.
Welcome once again to the Library of Audio Fiction. It's an interesting day today, as I've just received this message through the pneumatic tube from one of the curators over in the Library of Audio Non-fiction.
Oh, did you not realise? This isn't actually the entire library. We're merely part of the Greater Library, which encompasses many different sections.
One of those parts is Audio Non-fiction, which holds shows for people lacking in imagination.
They've got true crime, sports, business, celebrities and a few other things. Basically nothing of interest to anybody.
But they're not entirely useless, because they've uncovered a hidden cache of some fiction shows. Apparently during some previous disaster, our libraries indulged in a little insurance, and looked after part of each other's inventory. A bit like the old ship cargo swaps. They've got some things I'd never even heard of.
They mentioned a show about a Vampire Slayer's summer holidays, and this show about humanity trying to wrest control of Earth from aliens 500 years in the future. And this show, about a Lucifer themed motorbike gang.
I'm surprised the message came through now - they must be doing some repair work on the pneutube system, as the sounds of fine toothed saws have been conducted down them all week.
Still it's an excellent opportunity, and even better than that, they've got more fiction shows than we've got non-fiction. So for every one fiction show I ping down the tubes to them, they say they'll send me two fiction shows back. Isn't that great?
Anyway, I sent the first batch of shows six hours ago, so I'm sure the fiction ones will be coming through any time soon.
For now though, I understand you're here for the newer shows? Well I do have some trailers that might interest you.
This first one is Flies in the Jar. Two friends embark on a journey to take back what was stolen. They'll have to face the past in order to understand the present.
[CLIP - Flies in the Jar]
Then there's The Great Chameleon War. Welcome to the Nesting Zone: a surreal rim of jungle around Mt. Tahoma prowled by transdimensional reptiles. The Amanuensis catalogues his expedition up the vo lcano slope and records stories of explorers caught in the evolving dreamscape. Paleo-mythic lizard pyromancy. Blood whisper secrets. Carnivorous astronauts. Cursed poem hallucinations. Staying sane is not an option.
[CLIP - The Great Chameleon War]
And this week's RPG is Ship of Fools. Join 4 friends on a D&D adventure through the magical seas of the Lunluma Ocean, seeking fame, fortune, and French fries. Hijinks? Guaranteed. Good decisions? Not so much.
[CLIP - Ship of Fools]
And finally, Would you rather... the conversation starter where the participants can never really win. Decisions made when nothing is at stake - our answers are perhaps crowd pleasing rather than truthful. But what if these hypotheticals actually happened? What if your or your loved one's lives depended on it? The Would You Rather... podcast is based on making choices and the repercussions which follow.
[CLIP - Would You Rather]
And that's that. I'm going to assume you don't want to sit here waiting with me for these shows to turn up, so I'll let you be on your way. Could you do me a favour and post this letter for me on the way out? Don't worry about the sound, it just contains a small length of connected metal links. Feel free to tell me you've done it on the twitter. It's @AudioDramaDebut.