All of the words I said out loud for S01E22 of Audio Drama Debut, my podcast showcasing new audio drama, fiction and RPG trailers.
F/X - Fountain pen writing, and then being capped. Fire gently crackles in the background.
THE LIBRARIAN: Hello there!
Come in, come in! Please, si-si-sit down! I've got some rather delightful Kingston, er, Ginger Cake here. Help yourself to a piece of that. Ah ah ah! I can only let you have the one slice. The effects of eating two are not to be countenanced. You can only have a second slice when you're alone with a partner. Yeah.
Here, here, wash it down with a gulp of this. Good news, the Director has re-opened the bar of audio fiction. It's got an incredible collection of whiskys, wines, ciders, cocktail mixers and a few other drinks.
Naturally, as the Librarian, I had to do an extensive review.
Though I do regret the chartreuse.
F/X - Burp.
I must say, fifteen weeks without being able to go to the pub has taken its toll on me. I really miss sitting in those enormous pub gardens, table to myself, headphones in, listening to a podcast and drinking a fruity cider and ignoring everyone around me.
F/X - Gulping sounds, as a man works his way through his too many-th drink.
Sthill, I'm glad it's open again. I've been celebrating with theshe shows about hard-drinking cowboys. There's thish classic one, about a Marshal, or maybe this one, about a blind Sheriff. And this one, here this one's great - everybody sings. Singing Cowboys. Why?
No? Oh god, you're one of those people who, who chase the new shows right? Those mad obshessives who have to know about every show, and put them all in a big list? Big list right? Big list of shows. I bet you've even got a twitter account for it right? God, weirdos like you need to get a life.
Fine, fine, fine, shut up, fine here's all the new shows I've got.
First, it's Clockwork Bird. Piece together the mystery of the disappearance of Robin Jaeger, a man with four metal limbs, in this sci-fi horror audio drama. Shelly Croft organises recordings taken from the computer of Dr Sophie Bennett, one of the lead scientists on the synthetic limbs project, and uncovers more than just scientific breakthroughs.
[CLIP - Clockwork Bird]
Then there's The Mistress Files. There's no such thing as true evil in this world. Evil is only defined by which side of the line one stands. Follow the tales of The Mistress, one of the most feared criminal masterminds the world has ever known, and ask yourself: Which side are you on?
[CLIP - The Mistress Files]
Then it's the voice inside your head, in Piano Teeth. Expect darkly-comic, surreal and strange adventures all from the comfort of your own mind.
[CLIP - Piano Teeth]
And finally Cape Lock, in which KINH's investigative reporter Christina Glass looks into a town that only exists in peoples minds.
[CLIP - Cape Lock]
Right, thatsh your lot for this week. I'm sorry, I'm sorry I called you a weirdo, you're my besh mate, honest. Come here, give me a hug. Yeah, that's right, get in close. Thatsh the way.
F/X - Coughing. Totally not Coronavirus coughing. You definitely won't get Coronavirus in a pub.
Now, off you go, and enjoy those shows. And don't forget, if you want to get a drink, you can talk to the bar with the twitter account. It's a good way to get served. It's @AudioDramaDebut.