All of the words I said out loud for S01E19 of Audio Drama Debut, my podcast showcasing new audio drama, fiction and RPG trailers.
SFX - Fountain pen writing, and then being capped. Fire gently crackles in the background.
The Librarian: Hello there. Please come in and...oh...I see. How did you get past security? That lot were special forces, all ex-Navy Penguins, and I can't believe you would get past them by stealth.
Oh god, did you kill them? You monster, poor Dave and Steve. They were only ten thousand nine hundred and fifty days from retirement. And you did all this just to break into the Library of Audio Fiction. Have you no shame? Why would you want to steal our dramas, books, stories, actual plays and other things? We're a library, we lend things out!
Now, I don't see a weapon, but I'm going to assume you have one, otherwise you wouldn't have got this far. I'm guessing throwing this cup of lukewarm silver needle in your face won't stop you either. So I'll do want you want, and put some shows in a bag for you. Here, there's this one, about a quest to get back some missing chairs. Or this, about a woman who infiltrates an identity theft ring. Or how about this, about a bunch of cyberpunk agents taking on the world.
No? Sorry, sorry, sorry please, don't get angry, I don't know what you want. You're pointing, you're pointing to the new shows? The trailers? You want to have the trailers? I'm sorry, but they can't leave the library. No buh ah they really can't leave the Library. They're all on that machine there, and it weighs half a ton. I suppose you could just listen in here, and then go? Please go.
Don't worry, I won't press the secret button that calls the police. Er, I mean, there is no secret button that calls the police. They've stopped coming anyway. Apparently excessive late fees "don't count as police business".
Okay, okay, let's see what we've got.
There's this first one. The old world is over—this is Remainder, a dynamic audio drama thriller set in a world rebuilding after annihilation. Dr. Daniel MacNaughten and his team must find and retrieve a mysterious weapon from before the Day of Ash, while the prisoner Cora Ducarmont desperately searches for a way to escape the Unbroken Horde. Their paths are about to collide in a way that may determine the balance of power once and for all…
[CLIP - Remainder]
Then there's The Dauntless Gambit, a sci-fi espionage fiction podcast.
[CLIP - The Dauntless Gambit]
Then RomComPods, a hilarious and heartfelt new fiction podcast bringing you a new romantic storyline each season. In Season One we meet Claire, a 28-year old Chicagoan who seemingly has her life totally and completely together... until she catches her fiancé cheating on her the week of their wedding! Heartbroken (and broke), Claire decides to go on her non-refundable honeymoon — a romantic couple’s tour of Italy — alone. Through her fellow tour guests and a *very special* tour guide, Claire begins to mend her broken heart, and learns that upending your life and opening yourself up to a wild and unexpected new chapter isn’t such a bad thing.
[CLIP - RomComPods]
And finally, The Dichotomy, featuring a superhero/supervillain power couple on everyday whacky adventures facing equally whacky villains.
[CLIP - The Dichotomy]
And that's that. There's no more I'm afraid, no matter how scarily you wave that finger at me. Please leave, you've got what you want. And I'm sorry I've not understood anything you've said, but maybe next time do a robbery with a thinner mask, so I can actually understand you. I should probably put a note on out twitter, @AudioDramaDebut.