All of the words I said out loud for S01E13 of Audio Drama Debut, my podcast showcasing new audio drama, fiction and RPG trailers.
F/X - Fountain pen writing, and then being capped. Fire gently crackles in the background.
THE LIBRARIAN: Hello there. Come in, come in. Let me offer you a cup of sencha. Lovely, isn't it? You've caught me just as I'm having my tea break, but don't worry, I won't send you back out the door.
Welcome once again to the Library of Audio Fiction. It contains dramas, books, stories, actual plays and a few other things. You've picked the perfect time to visit - I've just finished reorganizing the Library's collection, so it's completely up to date.
How have I organised it? Tell you what, why don't you guess, and I'll tell you when you get it right.
No, not by genre. That's how everyone does it. This library is far too special to do that. I'll have my own system before I use anyone else's, thank you very much.
Alphabetically by title? No. We tried that, but once we'd got to shelf three of "The", we suspected we'd been doing it wrong, and removed those shelves. Then we had that complaints that people couldn't find anything that began with a The. Nightmare.
Can't guess? Well I'd best tell you then.
I've organized them all by colour.
What do you mean, colour of what? The cover art of course. All of those beautiful squares, lined up, from pitch black over here, to heavenly white over there. Isn't it glorious? There's absolutely no way I'll forget who gave battle in vain now.
How do I find anything? I would have thought that was rather obvious. I just ask you what show you want to listen to, and then you tell me what the most common pixel colour on the cover is. Either hex or RGB value will do. Then we just look on the shelf for that.
I'm currently just looking at a few of my old favourites here. They might interest you. This one is a beautiful 2D1640, or there's this, the darker 231520. Or how about this, the utterly striking 000000?
No? Want something more recent, eh? Well I suppose you could look at the new arrivals shelf. It's over there. I've not had the chance to analyse their colours yet, so they're generally in a rather more pedestrian genre order. I think there's only four colours in there at the moment though. Tell you what, have a listen to the trailers for those.
First up, we've got It's Grimm. Which reads you've heard the stories, but have you heard the right ones? Through the mystical portal, there lies a strange musical land; inhabited by even stranger people; furthermore there are people that aren’t even people; tap-dancing cats, sentient sausages and magical fish. But it’s not all fun and games, not for Gretel and Hansel anyway, who are captured by a hideously unstable Witch, who is hell bent on fattening Hansel up to eat him. Now it’s up to Gretel to find and travel the perilous path to Town; negotiating all those who may seek to take advantage of an innocent wandering child along the way. Who will help her? The world weary Fisherman? The brave little tailor? Maybe even you? With original music and a rich sound bed, heartily seasoned with comedy inspired by Blackadder, Shrek and sweet isolation madness; let’s face it: you’ve nothing better to do. Plug in and enter the woods if you dare and help Gretel as one bonkers story crashes into the next.
[CLIP - It's Grimm]
Then Havoc, which is a sci-fi audio drama told in transmissions between Houston Station and NASA's abandoned vehicle, the High Altitude Venus Operational Carrier (HAVOC). When radio operator Noah Anderson receives a distress call from Dr. Avery Beck, the pair must unravel the mystery behind the ghost ship - before it unravels them.
[CLIP - HAVOC]
Then there's Margaret Moves to Mars, a fictional sci-fi/comedy about a girl named Margaret, who after a bad break-up moves to the Australian colony on Mars hoping for a fresh start. Upon arrival she quickly realises that Mars isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. The air’s a bit thin, the water’s a bit dry and the only food is potato. But with no desire to head home, Margaret makes the most of a bad situation, gaining a job as the Chief Advisor for the highly inept Mayor of Mars.
[CLIP - Margaret Moves to Mars]
And finally, I Exist, a fiction podcast that explores life, death, and existence, with a healthy dose of necromancy, and sarcasm.
[CLIP - I Exist]
And that's that. Don't forget to run past the shelf as you leave - the colour pattern at high speed really is remarkable. And don't forget, if you find any shows we don't have, tell us on Twitter. We're 002D5F. Oh fine, if you're going to be lazy about it, try @AudioDramaDebut.